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Monday, October 17, 2011

Why do men cheat on their wives/partners?

Sorry, darling, the recession made me unfaithful: Men stressed by economic turmoil are more likely to cheat, say scientists By Lauren Paxman Last updated at 11:34 PM on 14th October 2011 Comments (45) Add to My Stories Share Men stressed by their job security and finances during the recession are more likely to cheat on their partners, new research reveals. When men feel threatened, such as during economic turmoil, they go into survival mode, turbocharging their sex drive. This is apparently nature's subliminal way of getting them to spread their seed and thus ensure the survival of the species. Not their fault? Ashton Kutcher and Ryan Giggs have both recently been accused on cheating... but they can't blame the poor state of their finances Not their fault? Ashton Kutcher and Ryan Giggs have both recently been accused on cheating... but they can't blame the poor state of their finances Not their fault? Ashton Kutcher and Ryan Giggs have both recently been accused of cheating... but they can't blame the poor state of their finances US researchers asked some men to think about their own death, which is similar to the feeling of 'low survivability' that many experience during a period of prolonged economic gloom. They asked another group to think about a less serious fear - dental pain, and showed both groups porn pictures afterwards. Results showed than men who'd thought about dying were far more turned-on and had a greater heart rate when looking at the porn than those asked to think about the dentist. More... Maria Fowler 'worked as a £600-an-hour escort' before finding fame on TOWIE Doug Hutchison's teen wife Courtney Stodden banned from Facebook for 'inappropriate sexual conduct' The team, from the University of Kansas, USA, say this is because men respond more strongly to the potential dangers of a recession, losing their job or not being able to put food on the table. Study author Professor Omri Gillath, whose findings appear in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology said: 'We're biologically wired to reproduce, and the environment tells us the best strategy to use to make sure our genes are passed on. 'If you think you might die soon, there's a huge advantage for a man to use short-term mating strategies - to make sure there are a bunch of offspring and hope that some of them survive - but women can't do the same thing. Gillath points out that: 'The ultimate sign of low chances of surviving is death. Survival mechanism? When men feel threatened, such as during economic turmoil, they go into survival mode, turbocharging their sex drive (posed by models) Survival mechanism? When men feel threatened, such as during economic turmoil, they go into survival mode, turbocharging their sex drive (posed by models) 'After threatening them with their own death, we asked them to look at a computer with sexual and nonsexual images, to see if death makes men more interested in sex.' He added: 'When the environment is secure and you have enough food and things are working the way you would like them to, people are more likely to invest in their existing kids and stay with their current partner or prefer long-term mating strategies. 'But if the environment is dangerous and your chances of survival are low - if there is a famine or more enemies - then people will adopt short-term strategies which allow them to reproduce more. The team from the University of Kansas argue that the present financial upheaval creates sends signals to out brain that we have lower chances of survival. Gillath said: 'There's not as much money, we're not sure if we're going to have our jobs, we're not sure we can support our existing kids. 'It's like living on the savannah and discovering you don't have enough fruit and the animals are scarce. In such times, guys might be more inclined to spread their genes and hence be highly prepared for sex.' So if you husband does cheat, don't be mad. He's just doing his bit for the survival of the species. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What a ridiculous if your man cheats don't get mad, he's doing his bit for the survival of the species, and yet we are told that men who have great access to resources, and are therefore alpha males also cheat because they have lots, and then we are told people cheat for this reason, and that reason. Its just a joke, people cheat because they fancy someone else, and don't love or care enough for their current partner to remain loyal to them. They listen to their loins, and then come out with all manner of excuses to explain away, or even blame the other person for their weakness It doesn't matter if there are good times or bad, if they are stressed or happy, a cheat's a cheat, and a loyal content person is faithfull. Stop writing daft articles, and instead focus on whats makes people selfish so, and so's, and what makes decent people with values the way they are, and how you can make the best of what you've got instead of constantly looking for the next best thing - FusionDancer, Basingstoke, 15/10/2011 Read more: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Men like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Jesse James and John Edwards had it all: talent, fame, money, and a beautiful family. Yet with everything to lose, they were accused of cheating on their wives. Why would men throw it all away? The answers may surprise you. Here are 9 reasons. Plus, will he cheat? Rate his risk with our quiz... Approximately 40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, estimates Kat Hertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada - Las Vegas and a marriage and family therapist. That number hasn’t changed much since 1950, when the famous Kinsey sex study found that 50% of U.S. men cheat at some point in their marriages. Why They Cheat The No.1 reason: Men crave sexual “variety,” according to David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating (BasicBooks). “They’ve evolved the desire to be with different women,” he says. That’s because it’s very simple for men to reproduce (one act of sex versus nine months of pregnancy for women), so to create as many offspring as possible they’re biologically programmed to mate with many women. “The ‘payoff’ in reproductive currencies [kids] of a short-term mating strategy generally has been higher for men than women,” Buss says. So after thousands of generations, “this has forged in the male brain a desire for sexual variety.” Other top reasons men cheat? They’re unhappy with their mates - and extramarital sex is cheaper and easier to get these days, Buss says. And "power wives" beware: Being married to a high-profile guy ups the odds he’ll wander. “Women are attracted to men who have power and status, so public figures usually have plenty of opportunity,” Buss says. Whether your guy is a political animal, an A-list celeb or just a cubicle-mate, his motivation to cheat is the same, according to one relationship expert. “Ninety-nine percent of the time, there’s a simple reason why: boredom,” says Steve Santagati, author of The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date and Mate – and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top (Crown). Whatever the reasons, cheaters give monogamous men (the majority) a bad name. Why They Say They Cheat Here are 9 excuses guys give for doing the extramarital mambo: 1. She ain’t what she used to be. Like Adam, the typical man can’t resist the temptation of riper fruit, especially if the woman in his life has let herself go. “If she got lazy or gained weight or just doesn’t take care of herself, a guy will start looking at other women,” Santagati says. Women who want to keep their men on a short leash need to take a “good, hard look in the mirror,” he adds. And men should do the same. He might be a complete slob and still be demanding perfection from her. “It’s the typical double standard.” For their part, guys should also make an effort to rediscover the spark at home. “Make her feel pretty, even if you’re lying,” he advises. “Tell her how beautiful she is and how much you appreciate it. It will make her feel sexy and she’ll want to make you happy.” That attention can lead to a more satisfying sex life, agrees Sue Johnson, a professor of clinical psychology at the University of Ottawa and author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (Little Brown and Company). “All the evidence shows that when [women] feel safe and connected, you’re better at taking care of your partner.” 2. No one loves a ball buster. Perhaps nothing will drive a married man into the arms of another woman faster than a nagging wife. “She’s like a mosquito,” Santagati says. “He doesn’t want to have sex with her; he wants to [swat her away].” The more viable option: hot sex with a more “understanding” woman. Hogwash, says Steven Solomon, Ph.D., author of Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild & Affair-Proof Your Marriage (New Harbinger). “[A woman] didn't do something that excuses cheating." Whatever the relationship dynamic, it’s not that healthy to begin with if it leads to infidelity, Solomon says. 3. She just doesn’t “get” me. Men who cheat say they don’t feel understood by their mate. But it’s not always the woman. Mostly they’re either angry or afraid to connect. “It’s easier for men to go outside the relationship than work it out with their partner,” says UNLV’s Hertlein. “We see this ‘triangulation’ a lot.” A deep-seated fear of intimacy can be hard for some guys to overcome. And they’re more likely to cheat again, especially if they don’t go to couples therapy, Hertlein says. 4. It’s the thrill. Most guys who have affairs are getting in touch with their inner caveman: They like to play with fire. “It adds a level of danger,” Santagati says, “and danger adds to the excitement.” By keeping surprise and sizzle in your sex life, a woman can keep the home fires burning so hot that her man won’t have any reason to cheat. But that's not the whole story. Solomon says men also cheat because of fear, loneliness or anger. “The betraying partner's failure to deal with these feelings is what causes him to be unfaithful," he says. 5. Blame it on the “hunter.” Often, married men who cheat can’t quite explain their motivation. They just find themselves compelled to bust out of their day-to-day routine in search of something new. It’s a primitive instinct that dates back to their role as hunter and gatherer – only this time, they’re hunting and gathering new women. “Maybe he married too young,” Santagati says, “or he just feels as if he hasn’t seen everything.” Women can protect themselves by getting wise to this behavior early in the relationship – and getting out. Santagati suggests you can find out more about a man’s dating history by watching how he acts in a room full of gorgeous women. If you can’t rein him in when your romance is new, you’ll never control him down the road when your life together is more settled. “The first three months are critical,” he says. 6. Biology, baby. “It’s our biological nature to be with as many females as possible,” Santagati says. “Once we’ve seen a woman naked several times, it becomes commonplace. It doesn’t matter if you’re Jessica Alba or Sienna Miller, we become accustomed to your body and want to experience something different – different lips, different body types. We’re only monogamous because we realize that love and friendship are more important than getting laid.” But Juliet Williams, associate professor of women’s studies at UCLA disagrees. “No matter how stunningly high the number of male cheaters, we know it’s not biological,” she says. “There are still a higher percentage of men who are monogamous.” Whether it’s evolution, biology or simple novelty, infidelity researchers agree that men do seek different sex partners. However, the decision whether to cheat is entirely in a man’s control. “Most men don’t act on those desires because they don’t want to jeopardize social reputations or marriages,” says University of Texas’ Buss. Former President Jimmy Carter, for example, told an interviewer that he had ‘lust in his heart’ but as far as we knew, he never acted on it,” he says. 7. It’s just sex. For most guys, sex and love are two entirely different things. “We really believe, ‘I can still love my wife and want to have sex with other women.’ We separate it in our brains,” Santagati says. That rationale allows guys to cheat guilt-free, with one notable exception: “Any guilt that a man has after sex isn’t about the sex itself, it’s about the consequences,” Santagati says. “Will she be a stalker? Will my wife find out? "If a guy is in a committed, monogamous relationship, he should ask himself one question before he cheats: Is it worth it? He should consider the worst-case scenario, meaning that his wife finds out and is now brokenhearted. Is it worth it?” 8. Not tonight, dear. Let’s face it. Men want more sex than women. So when their partner is tired from wrangling kids all day and unwilling to try new things, even the most loyal hubbies get bored and go looking for nookie. More sexually permissive men who don’t have equally adventurous partners are also more apt to wander, says UNLV’s Hertlein. Their sexual values are just not compatible. 9. Because we can. OK, we’re guys, remember? It’s hard to resist temptation, especially when it’s at our fingertips. Thanks to the Internet, it’s easier for men to cheat anytime, anywhere… while they’re watching TV or on the laptop in bed next to their sleeping wives. We’re not talking about penis and vaginas,” Hertlein says. “Cheating is defined as anything that breaches a relationship contract.” “That includes “sexy communication and flirting that’s kept secret from your partner.” Forgive and Forget? Whether your man is having sex online or in a hotel room, should you take him back? “We think of people who betray us as cads, bad people, immature,” Solomon says. “But most are normal folks who get lost in not taking care of themselves and their marriage.” And if you forgive and forget, could he cheat again? Despite guys’ excuses, the decision to cheat or stay faithful isn’t something women can control. “Even if you’re the worse spouse on Earth, your partner can find better ways to deal with his unhappiness,” Solomon says. “You can't make someone cheat any more than you can make someone drink or abuse you.” Will He Cheat? Rate the Risk It's thought that about 60% of men cheat on their partners - and 70% of wives don't have a clue. Is your guy ever-true... or a sneaky cheat? Take our cheating quiz to find out. Check out Health Bistro for more healthy food for thought. See what Lifescript editors are talking about and get the skinny on latest news. Share it with your friends (it’s free to sign up!), and bookmark it so you don’t miss a single juicy post! Talk to us on Facebook and Twitter! The information contained on (the "Site") is provided for informational purposes only and is not meant to substitute for advice from your doctor or healthcare professional. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a health problem or disease, or prescribing any medication. Always seek the advice of a qualified healthcare professional regarding any medical condition. Information and statements provided by the site about dietary supplements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. 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Anonymous said...

Rubbish! Men who cheat on their partners for so & so reasons are just skeletons from the past who refuse to agree that their days of polygamy are gone.

Hunny said...

long but nice article ... But readers shud remember 2 things :-
1- It is giving only the probable reasons on the urge of men for infidelity ... Its the low road, basal instincts or in freud's terms ID functioning(instinctual part) ... n we shud remember wat makes us civic is the high road( thinking brain) or in freud's term ego and super-ego (critical and moralizing part) ....
2- Most of the research is based on American society.

Anonymous said...

Let's stop excuses for men who cheat on their wives. A man who cheats on his partner or wife has no respect or truly loves the person he is with. Marriages are either meant to be or not. The BIG lie is lying to oneself that you love your SO even after cheating or whilst cheating. The marriage is a sham and fake. Who are you kidding. Love don't Live there anymore. It's the fear of losing out financially, your status amongst your friends and family or what people are going to say that you've broken your marriage vows. It's abuse and using your spouse for the sake of protecting your image. Why stay in a relationship for the sake of. It's selfish and TRUTH be told is no happiness can be found living with someone for the sake of it. Husbands and Wives who get cheated on should stop being in denial and accept that their partner no longer love them.