Aasra Suicide Prevention.This blog is about getting people to talk about their innermost feelings and emotions in times of distress and despair.All discussions are about the issue of suicide, mental health and it's effect on society.
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You rescued me.2
Mon, 29 Jun at 11:51 am
I called you last night at 2am, hung up the call without saying anything, I am sorry, I couldn’t, I have never been able to speak up, never.
We talked for about two minutes, a few seconds less than that. to be précised. You said you are Sheldon, and I agreed. I know you are not Sheldon, neither do you live in Bombay, but that wasn’t my concern, I didn’t want to know you for it wasn’t my purpose, selfish enough yeah?
I wanted to tell you about me for its been long since I talked of it, and now that I have a pile of things I wanted to talk about, I didn’t know where to start from? You think I couldn't have started from the first failed exam or the tale of my last broken tie?
If I had told you that I have anxiety, Would you have bothered to believe? Or were you going to laugh at me, like all of them?
Were you going to give me unsolicited advice the moment I would have uttered the word D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N.
Or were you going to tell me that’s its fine to be anxious, because everyone is too.
You must have had many callers till date, but maybe none like me who had called to talk but hung up in 2 mins barely, ah, a few seconds less than 2 minutes to be précised.
I hung up the call without giving any of the answers to your questions, for I didn’t have a simple answer to give, I have been piling things for a while now and now it feels like it is a heap of dead leaves that has made its home in me.
You were gentle with your words, a little too soft for a man.
I looked at the empty wall next to me and the structure of a man with a height taller than that of my father, was formed, and I would like to believe that you look so much alike this man I drew in my head.
For the first 7 minutes, you looked alike a man in his early 30s, going through mid life crisis but trying to save other lives, the next 11mins, I thought of you as a man in his late 40s with a few silver stands on your head telling me the tale of your life in the easiest possible manner, similar to my Papa. Or were you are a simple guy in his 20s who tricked me with his maturity? Or were you an old man with a santa clause beard, sharing his wisdom that the younger generation needs today?
Who are you Sheldon? Who are you? Who made me feel so homely in barele 2mins, a few seconds less than that to be précised?
I had almost tightened the knot, the blade was this close, but with your words I lost hold of the rope and the blade, that I had been holding for so long.
Your voice, it had the depth it needed to have. Your words ran across the miles between us, in the calmest possible manner, in no hurry at all.
You didn’t ask me for my approval, neither did i.
You must be talking to tens and hundreds of people everyday, but you were my first rescuer. And I am thankful.
I am not angry, I am in pain. I have come a long way and it feels empty, I cry, I laugh, and cry again, for I feel heavy inside and heavier on the outside.
You were too smart for an outsider, who didn't know me, but managed to calm the choas in me in barely 2min, ah, a few seconds Less than that to be precised.