http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/buildingselfesteem/2014/06/stop-relying-on-others-for-self-esteem/
Stop Relying On Others For Self-Esteem
Posted on June 20, 2014 by Emily Roberts MA, LPC
Who doesn’t look for validation from others? Have you ever had one of those days where you posted the best picture on a social media site and received little to no attention for it? Maybe you are wearing a brand new outfit or walked out the door feeling super confident in your appearance, but no one mentions how great you look? These are just examples, but many people find they need external validation. They don’t know who they are without it. Sadly, this temporary trick doesn’t help the foundation for long lasting self-esteem.
It can be difficult to self-validate, especially if you aren’t feeling comfortable in the skin you’re in. The problem is your self-esteem comes from within. No matter what you look like, what you do with your life, there has to be some level of self-worth internally.
Feeling proud of your inner “resume” of accomplishments and identity, regardless of what other people say or do, is possible. This video gives you quick tools to take what you’ve already got and become more confident, secure, and self-validating.
One More Self-Validating Tool
The video gave you a few great ideas to try. Remember, the relationship with yourself is the most important one you’ve got. Try to be a little nicer and accepting. Talk to yourself like you would a friend. In fact, really try this!
Write down something you aren’t loving about yourself these days. Maybe it’s the way you handled a situation with a friend, your level of motivation lately, or just one of those thoughts that doesn’t go away ( I should have done… I wish I was more…. I’m so stupid, I can’t believe I….). Now write down why you think that is true, why it feels true. Get it out on paper. On the other side of the paper (like a T chart), write down what you would say to a friend about this struggle. How would you validate them and show them compassion?
| Thought/Belief | What Would I Tell My Friend |
| I’m never going to find a date. | *You haven’t found the right person yet. |
| I’m not attractive. I am boring. I suck. | *You have friends who like you and want to spend time with you. |
| *You’ve had people like you in the past and they weren’t the right fit. You deserve better. | |
| *You have great qualities and the right person will come along soon. You also have a lot of awesome stuff going on with work and in your free time. |
It’s up to you to be willing to notice and try and talk back to thoughts that aren’t serving you. Start with the ones that are obvious and move on from there. Pretty soon, your inner confidence and reliance on yourself will be stronger than ever.
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