Overcoming failure and Rejection-Evolving the self

Mastering Failure and Rejection (Part 1 of 3) It's not misfortune itself that defeats you. Published on June 30, 2010 by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. in Evolution of the Self The Problem Defined Below are a few quotes that define what, to me, represents the wrong attitude toward failure and rejection: "You put yourself on the line as a performer, and when people reject you, it's a personal rejection." And, "Everything is a rejection of you, not your product, or your script, or a cosmetic. It's you." (Morgan Brittany) "When there's no chance for failure, there is opportunity for success." (Arthur Tugman) "There's no way I'm going to put this kid in the movies, because of the rejection. It's so hard as an adult, so why set her up to feel that bad as a child?" (Rosanna Arquette) No question but that failure and rejection sting. And this sting can be--at least in the moment--excruciatingly painful. Yet it's really not possible to go through life without such adverse experiences, so strenuously attempting to avoid them is ultimately as foolish and self-defeating as it is futile. See All Stories In The Art of Failing The next best thing to success is knowing how to recover from defeat. What this three-part post will focus on is, in the present part, examining the problems not so much inherent in failure and rejection as in your counter-productive reactions to them; in part 2, exploring all the positive ways you can deal with such discouragements and letdowns--so that your immediately upsetting experience can actually pave the way for success later on; and, in the 3rd and final segment, presenting quotations from Confucius onwards to suggest the timeless wisdom of seeing disappointments and defeats as detours along the frequently circuitous road to success. . . . And, in this sense, I should add that I've long believed that the one thing more important than success is "mastering" failure. And, paradoxically, this fully coming to terms with adversity might just be the greatest success of all. But first a question. What exactly do these two deeply intertwined terms--failure and rejection--have in common? What, that is, do they both mean? While neither word really needs defining, it's still essential to emphasize that--conventionally, at least--each carries the most unfavorable connotations. And, in fact, it's curious just how frequently these two terms are uttered in the same breath--not only because there's so much overlap between them, but also because each typically brings up similarly worrisome doubts we tend to harbor about ourselves. It's not very likely that in growing up you were "conditioned" to view failure and rejection positively, as opportunities for learning, growth, and change. And without such encouraging family counsel, odds are that each of your encounters with adversity was, subjectively, experienced as shutting down opportunities, as pushing you right back to the starting line--definitely worse off than before. For now you felt worse . . . worse, that is, about yourself. The most unfortunate thing about failure and rejection is that if you're like most people, you're apt to take such incidents personally (like actress, Morgan Brittany, above). And such self-disparaging interpretations are likely to drive your mind back to whatever discouraged, defeatist ideas of self you may, however unconsciously, still be holding onto. Moreover, blaming yourself in such situations can't help but bring to the surface your most anxious concern: namely, that you may not be good enough. What commonly happens when you fail at something, or are rejected by someone, is to verbally beat yourself up. Or--whether in your head, or in person--critically attack the person or circumstance that (partly to help you feel less bad about yourself) you hold responsible for your misfortune. But either way, reacting in such knee-jerk fashion to events that didn't turn out as you'd hoped prevents you from evaluating them constructively-and in a way that would help you both to learn from them, and move beyond them. The main thing is that, initially, when you've failed at something or been rejected, your ego is likely to throb with pain. And such heightened distress may well prompt you to enlist your defenses to anaesthetize the blow. It may be that the person you wanted to pursue gives you a clear message that your interest is not reciprocated. Or that you weren't offered the job you believed you'd interviewed so well for. Or that the project you'd worked so long and hard on ended disastrously. But unless you can learn how to take such setbacks in stride, they're likely to hinder you from moving forward. Inwardly smarting from such experiences, you may decide--defensively--to do all you can to protect yourself from future indignities. The unfortunate outcome of attempting to keep your anxiety at bay and make yourself less vulnerable to life's many frustrations is that you'll wind up pretty much leaving your goals behind, as you move toward the self-protective stratagem of indefinite procrastination. Or, you may decide not to take on the challenge--whether it be a person or project--at all. And, again, what stops you in your tracks is fearing further disappointment, others' disapproval or rejection, or (if you're overly critical of your work and so afraid you may not be able to finish perfectly what you started) your anxiety about meeting your own (excessively high) expectations. The problem, of course, is that once you give up trying, you can't ever succeed. The same could be said about self-assertion. If you're to stand a fair chance of getting what you desire from life, it's crucial that you let others know about your wants, needs, thoughts, and feelings. Otherwise, how can you ever hope to be understood, empathized with, or assisted by them in your attempts at personal fulfillment? But if you're governed by fears of failure and rejection, you may well (again, defensively) adopt a passive, passive-aggressive, or aggressive stance toward those around you--which, predictably, will hold you back from saying or doing what, in the end, would most likely elicit their support. Finally, the worst thing about taking failure and rejection personally--and as a result shying away from life's challenges--is how it affects your self-esteem. For, sooner or later, adopting such a pessimistic stance compels you to conclude that your negative encounters with reality connote something irredeemably negative about yourself. And denigrating yourself this way can't help but solidify a most unfavorable self-image. Here's a large variety of statements you may come to believe about yourself--or assume your life has already confirmed about you--if you regularly take failure and rejection too much to heart . . . or, I should say, too much "to ego": • "I'm not worthwhile," "I'm a disappointment," "I'm incapable," I'm inadequate," "I'm incompetent," "I'm inferior," "I don't measure up," "I can't do anything right," "I'm stupid," "I'm a loser," "I'm hopeless," "I can't succeed," or-at its extreme-"I'm shameful," "I'm contemptible," or (if you really get carried away with such self-abuse) "I'm a bad person." With such seriously compromised self-regard, whatever suspicions you may have about yourself as being, essentially, a fraud might also lead you to such negative, "non-deserving" beliefs as: • "I don't deserve love," "I don't deserve respect," "I don't deserve to succeed"-or maybe even, "I don't deserve to be happy"; as well as such self-derogatory beliefs as "I deserve criticism," or "I deserve disapproval (or rejection)." And, in yet another realm of self-denigration, you may (however unconsciously) conclude: • "I can't trust myself," "I can't trust my judgment," or "I can't trust my authority." The end result--again, not related so much to your actual experiences of failure or rejection but what, self-deridingly, you've made of them--is that you're likely to decide: • "I can't afford to be vulnerable," "I can't get what I want," "I have no authority," and "I'm powerless (or helpless)." Mastering Failure and Rejection (Part 1 of 3) It's not misfortune itself that defeats you. Published on June 30, 2010 by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. in Evolution of the Self I realize the above characterizations may possibly seem exaggerated, maybe even ludicrously so. But I did want to stress that the consequences of turning away from life's challenges--which, by definition, always involve a certain risk of failing or being rejected--can potentially carry immense personal costs. Not fully engaging with life for fear of encountering yet additional disappointments--determining, that is, to avoid "at all costs" anything that could be emotionally unsettling--ultimately can entail far greater costs than risking the possibility of defeat. Note: Part 2 will suggest how to effectively "reframe" failure and rejection so that they no longer constitute such difficult obstacles to your personal growth and success. It will also deal with building resilience and developing a deeper belief in your capabilities. Finally, Part 3 will highlight a variety of famous quotations, from Confucius to the present day, which eloquently underscore the different points made in the first two parts. Mastering Failure and Rejection (Part 2 of 3) What, exactly, is the upside of failure and rejection? Published on June 30, 2010 by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. in Evolution of the Self In Part 1 I discussed the various consequences of letting your fears of failure and rejection control you. This second part will suggest how you can control--or better, master--the emotions typically associated with these two negative outcomes, so you won't be deterred from taking full advantage of whatever opportunities life offers you. Before you seek to change your attitude toward failure and rejection, it's probably best simply to allow yourself to feel the full intensity of the emotions that follow in the wake of major disappointment. For before you can alter these negative feelings (whether they be embarrassment, humiliation, panic, anger, depression, or despair), you first need to get in touch with them--as the initial step in accurately linking the emotion you've experienced to the underlying beliefs requiring modification. You can't really revise your thinking about something till you're able to grasp just what your emotional reaction was to it--and what exaggerated, or otherwise irrational, thoughts engendered these emotions in the first place. See All Stories In The Art of Failing The next best thing to success is knowing how to recover from defeat. Find a Therapist Search for a mental health professional near you. Find Local: Acupuncturists Chiropractors Massage Therapists Dentists and more! It's only human to view, reflexively, what happens to you as saying something about you. We are, after all, meaning-making animals. But this assumptive thinking isn't necessarily true. In fact, the personal meanings you extrapolate from outward events are mostly untrue. So if somebody refuses your love, you may instantaneously feel as though there's something about you that's not lovable. But, realistically, how could your lovability hinge on a single person's preferences? As in "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder," I once met an exceptionally good-looking man who confessed that he could only be physically attracted to a substantially overweight woman. Whereas we typically assume that men prefer women with hourglass figures, this example demonstrates that even "models" of feminine pulchritude aren't immune to rejection. Although you may never have given it much thought, in almost all instances, another person's rejection says more about them than it does you. Someone might reject your overture of friendship simply because they don't have the time to add anyone else to their social circle. Or they might even be intimidated by you because they regard you as better looking, more intelligent, capable, or accomplished than they are. Similarly, if you're not offered a job you applied for, it might not indicate at all that you were inferior to the other candidates but, rather, that you were seen as overqualified for the position--or too young, too old, too aggressive, not aggressive enough, etc. etc. So even if your immediate reaction to rejection is to feel powerless, crestfallen, or despondent, once you can accept the other person's rejection as probably signifying little more than their right to choose according to their own biases and tastes--as opposed to indicating something defective about you--you can begin, emotionally, to recover from it. And if, being scrupulously honest with yourself, you conclude that you really were responsible, say, for a relationship's demise--whether because you were excessively dependent, overly demanding, or because of bad, inconsiderate behavior generally--you can still turn their rejection to your ultimate benefit. For you can use it as an opportunity to determine just what in your behavior may seriously need to be worked on. Failure can also be perceived as an occasion to reflect on your role--or lack of one--in influencing a situation that turned out poorly. You may, for instance, assume you're not smart enough because you failed at a particular endeavor--unaware that only two percent of those attempting such a project before you ever succeeded. And, because of your pessimistically negative conclusion, it may never occur to you that your failure can actually propel you forward, since it's helped you to rule out what may first have needed to be ruled out, before trying other alternatives. Additionally, you should realize that even when you do something perfectly, success is rarely guaranteed. Which is precisely why it's so important not to let a failure--which, in almost every case, is best considered a setback--actively discourage you from undertaking additional efforts to achieve your goal. I frequently tell my therapy clients that the reason virtually all pencils have erasers on one end is that all of us make mistakes--and somehow pencil-makers (needing to stay in business!) seem to grasp this a lot better than sometimes we do. "Normalize" your mistakes and they'll no longer have anywhere as much control over how you see yourself. Certainly, there's no shame inherent in doing something wrong--just as the shame you may lay on yourself after experiencing failure or rejection is self-inflicted. Without your (tacit) consent, others simply don't have the power to guilt or shame you. That power resides solely within yourself. It's you alone that makes the final verdict. My main point here is that when you can hardly stop reeling after an episode of failure or rejection, you're looking at things from the perspective of a battered ego. It's not so much that you need to change: it's, frankly, your weak ego that needs to be strengthened. Otherwise, you'll continue to see external events as threatening in a way that can't but help stunt your initiative. And so it's vital to consider that the other person's unfavorable decision--or the situation that turned out contrary to your expectations--may, personally, have very little to do with you. To assume differently is something like concluding that a talk you gave must have been deadly dull because one person in the audience fell asleep while you were delivering it. But how could you ever know whether that person was up all night with a colicky baby? Or was, for that matter, narcoleptic (?!). So, in the face of rejection or failure, what exactly should you do? After looking at the situation directly--and not flinching from its immediately potent sting (but not letting the emotional pain deter you either)--you need to see it for what, objectively, it is. Which typically is nothing more than a temporary setback, or detour, delaying your forward progress. But delay isn't defeat and you don't need to (mis-) interpret it as final, or "definitive." True, it may spell the death of one particular alternative, but there are almost always other choices--even if they're not yet on the horizon. In fact, to the degree that you've ruled out the viability of one possibility, that failure or rejection can even be seen as a partial success, since it's "succeeded" in eliminating something that (for all you knew at the time) might have worked. It just didn't, that's all. Defeated hopes offer you the opportunity to recalibrate--to reload--to rethink why and how something didn't turn out as you'd anticipated. Take the popular business adage: "ready-fire-aim." Feedback is often crucial to success, so you can only aim so much if what matters most in the moment is to get feedback. Whereas those who fear failure and rejection can "aim" indefinitely in their attempts to avoid further disappointment, successful individuals--choosing to be pro-active rather than to procrastinate--are much readier to risk failure than what might be a valuable opportunity. (To temporarily change the metaphor, for them it's better to "strike while the iron is hot," even if they subject themselves to a burn, than--self-protectively--wait till all is calm and safe.) When successful individuals miss their target, well, they just re-aim--knowing that with each successive shot, they're likely to get closer to the bull's eye. Each miss is calculated not in terms of failure but progress. Consider, for example, this wonderful quote from Thomas Edison on his many, many abortive experiments that ultimately led to the invention of the light bulb: "I have not failed," he proclaimed, "I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." Here is failure reframed as a lengthy, and ultimately successful, process of creative elimination. Invention isn't usually a single-step process--and neither is success. Mastering Failure and Rejection (Part 2 of 3) What, exactly, is the upside of failure and rejection? Published on June 30, 2010 by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. in Evolution of the Self If you think about it, life provides you with an almost endless number of do-overs. Both failure and rejection need to be seen as reminders of this--as in "practice makes perfect"--or, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." Ultimately, it's how you cope with failing or getting rejected that determines whether each setback brings you ever closer to your goal. Once you can see such disappointments for what they really are--hurdles that all of us must surmount if we're to succeed--then you won't retreat simply because the outcome of your behavior remains in doubt. Edison could only have failed in his electrical quest by giving up. What he did do was endure (or "triumph over") an enormously ambitious, multiple-step process to finally bring his invention to (er-) light. Each "mis-step" provided him with additional information, so that--bit by bit--he was able to make the final correction . . . and so the light bulb. It reminds me of the line in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream: "The course of true love never did run smooth." And, in general, neither does the route toward success. Many times your right path can't be understood till you've taken a few wrong ones. Perceived in this manner, the wrong path--indirectly--is intrinsic to the right one. For the right path is commonly obstructed by detours that need to be located and traversed before the right one is even recognizable. It's wise, therefore, to consider personal mistakes as prerequisites to discovering the solution that's finally right for you. Making mistakes, then, is simply the way you pay your dues for later success. See All Stories In The Art of Failing The next best thing to success is knowing how to recover from defeat. Find a Therapist Search for a mental health professional near you. Find Local: Acupuncturists Chiropractors Massage Therapists Dentists and more! Persistence is the key here. Or, more precisely, I should say that believing in yourself is the key. For it's hard to persist at anything if you're not convinced that, sooner or later--and by dint of your own efforts--you'll succeed. (And this, incidentally, is what psychologists call "self-efficacy.") Once you're able to firmly believe that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to, eventual success isn't just possible: it's probable. As long as your self-assessment is reality-based, it's simply a matter of not retreating in the face of failure but instead soldiering on. And what, ultimately, enables you to sustain your efforts is a sustained belief in yourself. That, and persistence, sway the odds in your favor. If in the past you allowed some immediate defeat to prompt you, prematurely, to give up on something, what's crucial now is that you cultivate your resilience. And you do this mainly by remembering, and then visualizing (i.e., making as real in your head as possible), all your past successes--all the things you've done right over the years. Your courage to go forward after failure and rejection can then be restored, as you bring into the here-and-now the positive mindset that accompanies such recollections. To conclude, regarding every failure, every rejection, as a learning opportunity is the best way to avoid letting setbacks deter you from continuing toward your goals. Ultimately, disappointments have only as much power as you choose to give them. Once you can "befriend" your failures and rejections, they--paradoxically--can actually support your future efforts. If, however, you define failure and rejection self-defeatingly, they'll continue to control you. And they'll even doom you to further disappointments because of the resignation that comes with such a pessimistic attitude. If, on the other hand, you can see such defeats as an inevitable part of life--as something you must learn to deal with courageously and creatively--you're hardly likely to succumb to them. Future obstacles can almost always be reframed as challenges; and once you've effected this transformative mental shift, that last defeat will become your next opportunity. What felt like "the end" can now become a new beginning. And--in affirming yourself in the face of failure and rejection--you will have truly mastered them. Note: Whereas part 1 delved into the wrong way of dealing with failure and rejection, this present part has suggested far more adaptive ways of reacting to personal disappointments. Part 3--by far the shortest of these three segments--consists almost entirely of quotations. Collectively, these quotations say just about everything I've labored to articulate in the first two parts. Call them a kind of unusually eloquent SparkNotes version of the subject. I selected them not only because of their ageless wisdom, but also because they encapsulate "lessons" so vital for all of us to learn. Hopefully, reading them (and maybe even writing some of them down) will enable you to change whatever programming is, by preventing you from taking necessary risks, also keeping you from realizing your hopes and dreams. ---I invite all readers to follow my psychological musings on Twitter. Mastering Failure and Rejection (Part 3 of 3) What are the most profound things ever said about failure? Published on June 30, 2010 by Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. in Evolution of the Self Ageless Wisdom on Failure and Rejection By way of "consummating" this three-part post, this final segment will present a series of famous--and frequently eloquent--quotations on how best to understand, and respond to, failure and rejection. Call this, if you will, a kind of appendix for (or even SparkNotes review of) parts 1 and 2. Actually, toward the end of writing this extended post, I decided to check out a few web sites for well-known quotations on the subject. And by the time I'd completed my research, I realized that I'd hardly covered new ground at all--that virtually everything I had to say had already, though piecemeal, been said (and generally in small, appetite-whetting chunks that would fit nicely into Twitter). . . . So much for being original. See All Stories In The Art of Failing The next best thing to success is knowing how to recover from defeat. Find a Therapist Search for a mental health professional near you. Find Local: Acupuncturists Chiropractors Massage Therapists Dentists and more! Anyhow, here are some of my favorites. If you're concerned that you may be overly reactive to failure and rejection, you might want to pick out those utterances that "speak" to you the most--and adopt them as your personal mantras: "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." (Confucius) "You can fail so very often. But you are not a failure until you give up." (Anonymous) "Failure is the path of least persistence." (Anonymous) "The most important of my discoveries have been suggested to me by my failures." (Humphrey Davy) "Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." (Denis Waitley) "A rejection [cf. failure] is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success." (Bo Bennett) "We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery." (Samuel Smiles) "Psychoanalysis shows the human infant as the passive recipient of love, unable to bear hostility. Development is the learning to love actively and to bear rejection." (Karl Stern) "There's nothing like rejection to make you do an inventory of yourself." (James Lee Burke) "I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat." (Sylvester Stallone) "You need to develop, somehow, a huge amount of faith and confidence in yourself, because there's a lot of rejection throughout an actor's life and you have to believe in yourself more than anyone else." (Stephen Collins) "Having harvested all the knowledge and wisdom we can from our mistakes and failures, we should put them behind us and go ahead." (Edith Johnson) "The man who has done his level best . . . is a success, even though the world may write him down a failure." (B. C. Forbes) "Often the difference between a successful man and a failure is not one's better abilities or ideas, but the courage that one has to bet on his ideas, to take a calculated risk, and to act." (Maxwell Maltz) "We seem to gain wisdom more readily through our failures than through our successes. We always think of failure as the antithesis of success, but it isn't. Success often lies just the other side of failure." (Leo F. Buscaglia) "He who risks and fails can be forgiven. He who never risks and never fails is a failure in his whole being." (Paul Tillich) "The only real failure in life is the failure to try." (Source Unknown) "Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It's courage that counts." (John Wooden) "Failure is success if we learn from it." (Malcolm S. Forbes) "There is no failure except in no longer trying." (Elbert Hubbard) "Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have." (Elbert Hubbard) "Remember the two benefits of failure. First, if you do fail, you learn what doesn't work, and second, the failure gives you the opportunity to try a new approach." (Roger Von Oech) "Failure is the tuition you pay for success." (Walter Brunell) "The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure" (Sven Goran Eriksson) "Try and fail, but don't fail to try." (Stephen Kaggwa) And, finally, "There are no failures-just experiences and your reactions to them." (Tom Krause)

beat back year-eve blues, Times of India, (AASRA has been mentioned)

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/Beat-back-the-New-Year-eve-blues/articleshow/11309935.cms Beat back the New Year-eve blues Pratibha Masand, TNN | Dec 31, 2011, 01.55AM IST MUMBAI: Nitika Makhija, in her early 20s, has been restless every evening over the last few days. The strange feeling in the pit of her stomach makes her feel as if something will go wrong. When this spell comes, nothing-not even reading a book or watching television helps. "I just have to wait for this feeling to pass. Generally, it lasts between an hour and three. Not only does it cause a sickening feeling, sometimes it leaves me feverish, it also drains me. I don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere," says Nitika, who works for a media firm. Some like Sheldon Pareira, 28, feel the urge to go out drinking every evening. "I am only a social drinker. But in the last three weeks, I've been feeling like going out for a drink, even if there's no party to attend," says Sheldon, who works in an IT firm. Nitika and Sheldon are suffering from "Year-end Blues". Many in the city have been feeling low or depressed, restless and lonely, have been feeling either a great urge to drink every day, or do not feel like eating at all. Most of these feelings are unexplained and go just as abruptly as they come. Doctors say that the party season, change in weather or fear of the upcoming year might be among reasons behind these blues. "The blues are more common among the single or those who do not have plans for the New Year's Eve," psychiatrist Dr Anjali Chabbria explains. "Those who feel bad about being single or don't have anywhere to go end up feeling low or depressed. Some would rather go out to drink every day than go home each night." Johnson Thomas, director of AASRA, an NGO that works for suicide prevention, says there has been a jump in the number depressed people calling in, especially in the last three weeks. "These calls are more at night and mostly deal with relationships gone bad. It is a vacation after which most examinations are lined up. Also, with the onset of winter, evenings get darker and gloomy. There is a general increase in mood swings during this time of the year," he says. Psychiatrist Dr Harish Shetty feels that year-end is the time when people start reviewing what they have achieved during the year. "Every person has something to be happy or sad about in a year. During this period, some harp on the bad things that have happened and feel low. Also, some get jitters thinking of what might happen in the new year, thus feeling anxious," he says, adding that peer pressure to have "happening" New Year plans might also be a reason for those who cannot or do not want to celebrate. The key, say doctors, is to accept what has happened and be positive about the future. "Feeling good is ones right," says Dr Shetty. "It is only a change of date, not a big deal. Spending New Year with family is as good as celebrating it in a party," Dr Chabbria adds.

Kids are stressed out in Mumbai India- some survey stats to prove the point. A times of India initiative

Pointers: The weight of the schoolbag is killing: primary kids are made to carry an average of 9 kg as against the recommended weight of less than 5 kg.This affects the head, neck, trunk and lower limb angles, changing the overall posture of the child. 62% kids have a personal computer at home 79% are mobile phone users. Most parents are unhappy with their levels of involvement in terms of time spent with their children. One study says that only 50% of parents are happy with their involvement in their kids lives. Children aged 6-17 watch 35 hrs of TV a week. On an average . 82% of teenagers spend 14-16 hrs playing video games. And 7% from this are pathological gamers spending over 20 hrs a week. 63% of students spend at least an hour online everyday. 40% of mumbai's children have been exposed to online adult content- more than in any other city. They are also victims of cyber bullying. (33% have been bullied at least once) 40% of children visit malls, supermarkets, at least once a month. 95% of Mumbai's children eat pre-dinner snacks like burgrs, pizzas, french fries, samosas, vada pav and noodles. 78% of parents have never discussed sex openly with their kids pocket money given ranges from Rs.3500 to Rs. 12000 per month and is spent on chlothing, physical appearance, gadgets and lifestyle products. 60% of of mumbai's kids think it's important to wear the latest fashion. mumbai has a green ratio of only 0.03 acre of open space for every 1000 kids against an ideal of 4 acres per 1000 kids. 16% of total educational expenditure is spent onprivate tuitions, coaching. Nearly 4% of children have asthma, while over 6% complain of breathing problems. 30% of children in private schools are overweight/obese, the second highest number in the country.About 88% boys and 85% girls don't walk the recommended 15000 and 12000 steps a day respectively. 28% of students sleep less than the recommended 8 hrs everyday. 17% of children suffer some kind of stress. studies show that children bear the brunt of an outbreak of any disease in the city. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Children are not taught to take no for an answer. Children with poor coping skills are a reflection of poor parenting. Kids are left with little unstructured time. Psychiatrists say that movies and video games have replaced outdoor play that boosted children's anti-stress mechanisms. Kids these days live in a bully environment at home.their own thinking and creativity are hampered by unrealistic expectations.Children do not anymore understand that when they commit mistakes they are accumulating experience for the future. Any failure becomes dificult to digest and they easily get demotivated. -Dr. Sanjay Kumavat, Psychiatrist. Parents can reach out to their little ones- Pick up early signs of anger in their children Watch out for impulsivity in children between 4-5 years. this may lead to violece at a later stage in life. monitor conent they watch on TV,video and internet. Improve play and sleep time of children Put your child through a life skills program Help the child share his or her feelings. Be a friend If your child appears violent then gently reinforce concepts of good and bad. If kids have a attention deficit disorder or emotional problems seek help.

Domestic violence in India, Causes,consequences and remedies

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Aasra in The daily Pioneer, Saturday, 17/12/2011

http://www.dailypioneer.com/sunday-edition/agenda/cover-story/28463-love-break-up-a-death.html LOVE BREAK-UP & DEATH Saturday, 17 December 2011 17:19 pioneer User Rating: / 0 PoorBest Be it a break-up gone public on Facebook or a mother not allowing her child to access the net in a cyber cafe, or even when a parent raises his voice on his child, reasons to end a life have become very casual and flippant. With more than four persons committing suicide a day over not so serious issues, this has become a massive problem to handle. Neha Verma brings you a report Worst person ever, I hate you. Revenge is best when serve cold!” — These were the lines of the suicide note found on Malini Murmu’s laptop. She had hung herself to death in her hostel room. On September 19, 2011, the 22-year-old MBA student Murmu, a native of Jamshedpur in Jharkhand, committed suicide by hanging herself in room number 421, L-block of Indian Institute of Management, Bangalore. Reason: She was dumped by her boyfriend on Facebook. She left a suicide note saying that she was killing herself over the public announcement that her boyfriend had made about the break-up on a social networking site. “Murmu had been depressed for quite a while and had not been taking her classes seriously. When her classmates noticed her absence on September 19, they went to her room. The security guard was called to open the door. It was only then that they found her hanging from the ceiling fan,” Mohan Kumar, investigating officer at the Mico Layout police station in Bangalore, tells you about the shocking incident. Just a day before this incident, Murmu had gone to Delhi to meet her boyfriend 24-year-old Abhishek Dhan, an IIT-Roorkee pass out who is working in Delhi with HP Pvt Ltd. The couple had an argument, which resulted in the break-up. Later, Dhan posted on his Facebook page: Feeling super cool today. Dumped my new ex-girlfriend. Happy independence day. After seeing the post, Murmu lost her patience and decided to commit this act. The incident has left the family cursing their fate. “My wife and I spoke to Malini at between 2 pm the same afternoon but we couldn’t make out that she was depressed. I was more like a friend to her than a father, but it came to me as a shock that she was in a relationship. She never shared anything about this relationship,” says 50-year-old Bishwanath Murmu, Malini’s father. The family lodged a complaint and a case of abetment to suicide was filed against against Dhan. According to the father, his daughter was outspoken and courageous, not the kind who would take such an extreme step. “My daughter was outspoken and confident in her demeanour. She was very active on Facebook. According to what has been told to us, it was Dhan’s derogatory remarks that forced her to take this step. She was forced to commit suicide following the mental torture that came with this simple update,” adds Bishwanath. Her professors held a good impression about Malini who was regarded as a bright student. “Before getting into IIM-B, Malini did her training with Infosys and left the job to take up further studies. She had completed her engineering from KIIT, Bhubaneswar in electronics and telecommunications,” Bishwanath said on phone from Jamshedpur. With over a million people hooked on to social networking sites, privacy has long gone out of the window. It is one of the main reasons for some of the noticeable mental problems that we witness in youngsters today. “It is true that with the advent of technology, we are becoming more and more dependent on such sites. If a fight happens between a couple on the road side, a crowd of 10 odd people might gather, but they disperse as soon as the matter is over. However, if there is a verbal duel happening in the public domain on FB, 1000 friends see the post and it remains there till someone removes it. The update also has a lingering impact as friends post comments on it. We have analysed Malini Murmu’s case and feel that this was the cause which forced her to take this extreme step,” explains Dr Sandeep Vohra, a reputed clinical psychiatrist with Apollo Hospital, New Delhi. Off late, incidents of youth committing suicides for petty issues have grown manifold. Initially the reasons for committing suicide used to be the fear of failing an examination and other work-related problems. But now youngsters want to end their life at the pettiest of reasons that they can think of. Psychologists opine that this is because the younger generation is intelligent, but not mature. The fact that statistics of such suicides jumped by 26 per cent in the last four years bears credence. “The increase in suicide cases is a reason to worry. In the last few years, people have become impatient and their tolerance level has also gone down immensely. They are so stressed that they always jump to the conclusion of committing suicide even when the problem is not very big. More often than not, it is the society that is to blame. Working parents barely have enough quality time to spend with their children. The communication patterns have changed drastically, which could be a reason why young people don’t think twice before taking an extreme step,” Dr Vohra says. While most people have ended their lives because of problems in relationships, there are many others who committed suicide because of no reason at all. Take for instance, the incident on November 20, 2011, where 14-year-old Saumya Kumar, a class X student of LPS Vijayant Khand branch in Gomtinagar, Lucknow ended her life after she was denied permission by her mother to go to a cyber cafe. According to investigating officers, Saumya sought her mother’s permission to visit a cyber cafe. When her mother refused, Saumya ended her life by hanging herself from a ceiling fan later that evening. The family is completely shaken up by this sudden incident and they refused to comment on the case. “We are deeply grieved by this act and do not wish to speak with the media,” Saumya’s close relative tells you. While students have ended their life due to the most flippant of reasons, it is the parents and teachers these days who live in a perpetual state of fear that their behaviour might become a reason for their children to commit suicide. “We can’t be too harsh with our own children because they have become so rebellious that they tend to commit suicide for the smallest of things,” says Professor Neera Bhalla Sarin, a reputed sociologist in JNU. In another freak incident, on December 12, 2011, Akansha Singh alias Juhi, daughter of Rakesh Singh and a native of Azamgarh district committed suicide by hanging herself in the police quarters in Lucknow. The 18-year-old was pursuing her graduation and staying with her constable aunt when things started to go wrong. On November 11, her mother, Seema allegedly scolded Akansha for not paying attention to studies and that apparently drove her to commit suicide. While the family is still trying to cope with Akansha’s death, the police is busy investigating the real reason for the suicide. Why are more and more youngsters getting inclined to committing suicide? “The problem lies in the fact that children these days lack patience. They do not want to hear a ‘no’ for anything and do not want to be treated as children either. We can not determine the exact reason for this trend. It could either be because of the influence of cinema or simply peer pressure, but these children do not want their freedom to be curbed,” adds Dr Vohra. Fifteen-year-old Satish Reddy, resident of Nellore district in Andhra Pradesh, ran away from his home on August 2, 2011 after being treated harshly by his parents. His body was recovered from the Hussain Sagar Lake on August 9, 20011. According to a police report, Satish, a student of Class X, was negligent in studies and that pushed his worried parents into scolding him. As a consequence, the boy left his home and arrived at Hyderabad and then jumped into the Hussain Sagar Lake. Another 19-year-old girl Deepa died after drinking a mosquito repellent at her house in Nerkundram town in Tamil Nadu. She was scolded by her mother for watching too much TV. She was an undergraduate student of the Annamalai University. After having an altercation with her mother, Deepa walked up to a mosquito repellent plugged near the TV seat and emptied its contents into herself. “There has been an increase in number of such freak cases of suicide. We get 25-30 calls daily on all our helpline numbers. Surprisingly, the age group that calls up the most is between the 15-45 years. From school students to college passouts to even youngsters, everyone needs counseling to come out of depression and suicidal thoughts. We are a crisis intervention service exclusively aimed at suicide prevention. We provide them with non-judgmental listening therapy focussed on draining their negative feelings and emotions. This alleviates their pain and helps them think of other options besides suicide,” says Johnson Thomas, director AASRA NGO, a suicide intervention and prevention organisation. “What is more shocking is that most of the cases that we get are of jilted lovers. Or of misled school children,” Professor Sarin tells you. Surya, a 14-year-old schoolgirl in Melathukurichi, set herself ablaze after allegedly being accused of theft by her headmistress at school. According to the investigating officers, Vijayalakshi who is the headmistress of the Union Middle School asked Surya to repay Rs 500swhich had allegedly stolen from one of her classmates. When Surya refused to have committed the crime, she was beaten up mercilessly. Following the incident, Surya attempted to commit suicide by setting herself ablaze with kerosene. She succumbed to her injuries on October 15, 2011. The 14-year-old stated in her dying declaration that the reason behind her suicide attempt was the treatment meted out by her headmistress. Vijayalakshmi is being questioned. In another incident at Guduvanchery, Meltalson Sinha died after consuming poison at the hostel room inside the SRM college campus on October 27, 2011. Police said Sinha was depressed after a failed romance on campus. Sinha was staying with two of his classmates , Amas and Piyas, both from Meghalaya, in the hostel. It is they who found Sinha’s body lying unconscious after they returned from shopping. They informed the warden, who alerted the police. Sinha was admitted at a private hospital where he died later that day. Although he didn’t leave any suicide note, the Police have closed the case and ruled out any other cause of death. “Sadly, it is not the case that only young school children fall prey to this depression. More often it is well placed adults who feel the need to end their life if something goes amiss,” Shefali Dutta, a psychiatrist with the Vimhans hospital in New Delhi, explains. In the wee hours of November 23, 2011, the railway police discovered the body of a 21-year-old boy who had committed suicide by coming under a train. Avinash K, a fifth semester student of mechanical engineering at the National Institute of Engineering (NIE), Hyderabad, was run over by a train near Jayanagar railway gate. According to police reports, Avinash, when he left home to attend an examination, sent an SMS to his elder brother Vijay, stating that he will commit suicide. Shocked at the message, Avinash’s parents, Krishnamurthy K and Sumathi, reached the spot, between Ashokapuram and Chamarajapuram, only to find their child’s body. Avinash and Vijay were chess players. Their father Krishnamurthy is an employee at the Rare Materials Plant (RMP) and a resident of RMP Quarters in Kuvempu Nagar, near here. According to Krishnamurthy’s statement to Railway Police, he did not find any reason for their son’s extreme step. Relatives and friends of Avinash, who gathered at the mortuary of Mysore Medical College and Research Institute, where his body was transferred for a post-mortem examination, said that he was good at studies and had obtained an engineering seat on merit. AFFAIR TO REMEMBER? June 29, 2011, a 26-year-old IT professional, Surender Singh abruptly ended his life in his posh flat in DLF City in Gurgaon. He was a native of Panipat in Haryana and was working at Wipro. He was found hanging in the balcony of his house by one of his roommates. He used a cable wire to hang himself. “Surender might have committed suicide because his five-year-old relationship with his girlfriend had taken a bitter turn lately. However there was no confirmation,” Rajendra Kumar, sub-inspector, tells you. “We don’t know yet if he was in a relationship. We used to speak with him daily on the telephone and he often visited home but never spoke to us about a relationship. We don’t even know who the girl was. Surender was a lively person and never faced any problem at his workplace,” recalls 80-year-old Karan Singh, father of the deceased. Surender was the youngest of four siblings and shared a good relationship with his family members. “We keep wondering what drove him to take this step. He should have told us the problem and we could have tried doing something to sort out whatever issues he was facing,” says the 40-year-old brother Sanjay Singh. November 29, 2011: A 21-year-old software engineer committed suicide at his rented apartment in Sector 21 over a failed relationship. Saumitra Kumar, the deceased, was the son of a senior medical officer at Shahbad, Kurukshetra. He hanged himself from the ceiling fan of his room. His body was spotted next morning by his housemates. After completing his BTech he had come to Gurgaon for work six months ago. On Tuesday night, he had his dinner with his friends at the apartment. When he did not open the door in the morning, friends grew suspicious and opened the room. He, reportedly, used to talk to one girl for long hours in the night. He was depressed over the sour relations. OUTNUMBERED Suicide is one of the top three causes of death among the young in the age group of 15-35 years. Suicide estimates suggest fatalities worldwide could rise to 1.5 million by 2020. National Crime Records Bureau statistics reveal that last year 93,207 adults committed suicide in the country. Student suicides increased by 26 per cent from 2006 to 2010, with metros Delhi, Mumbai and Bengaluru having most victims. While 5,857 student suicides were reported in 2006, the figure jumped to 7,379 in 2010. This shows 20 students killed themselves every day in 2010.

Happiness and Health: Or is it a question of survival?

Early risers are happier, healthier and slimmer, says study Posted on: 16 Sep 2011, 02:28 PM London: People who get up early in the morning are likely to be happier, healthier and slimmer than those who do not, says a study. The researchers from London's Roehampton University have found those who watch more TV are more likely to skip breakfast. It could be since they snack in the evening when watching TV, making them less hungry when they wake up in the morning, daily reported. In the study, experts quizzed 1,068 adults to see if they were morning or evening people. They found that morning people tend to be happier, thinner and more conscientious than evening people. They are also more likely to eat breakfast. Joerg Huber, the researcher, said: "These findings bear out the consensus that there are morning people and evening people, and that morning people tend to be healthier and happier, as well as having lower body mass indices." (Agencies) Tags: Early risers are slim healthy and happy, Early risers are slim and trim, Early risers are more fit, Early risers are healthier, rise early to look slim and happy, Study done on early risers health, Research on early risers health ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quit smoking to be happier and healthier Posted on: 15 Dec 2011, 01:12 PM Some smokers have concerns that their quality of life may deteriorate if they stop smoking but research shows that those who kick the butt feel more satisfied and healthier than those who continue with the habit. A new research by Megan Piper from the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health and her team looks at whether quitting smoking can improve psychological well-being. "Our findings suggest that, over the long-term, individuals will be happier and more satisfied with their lives if they stop smoking than if they do not," says Piper. Positive experiences of quitting smoking, including improved well-being, could be used by clinicians to educate and motivate individuals to stop smoking, reports the journal Annals of Behavioural Medicine. The authors assessed quality of health, positive versus negative emotions, relationship satisfaction and stressors among 1,504 smokers taking part in a smoking cessation trial. They were assessed at one year and three years, according to a university statement. The authors found that smokers who quit successfully, long-term, see some noticeable. Tags: Quit smoking, how to quit smoking, effects of smoking, latest on smoking, why should you quit smoking --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Working women have unhealthy children, says survey Posted on: 06 Nov 2011, 04:41 PM ShareThis « Previous Next » Working women have unhealthy children Working women have unhealthy children New Delhi: Most of the working mothers have unhealthy children with problems like obesity, while kids whose moms work part time are better off, a lifestyle study by Assocham said. As many as 56 percent of working women have children with problems such as overweight which may aggravate into lifestyle diseases like cardio-vascular disorder and fatty liver when they grow into adults, it said. The problem was far less with the women who take up part time assignments. Only 28 percent of these women have kids with unhealthy physical attributes. On the other hand, homemakers' kids are a lot healthier as they are less into junk foods like pizza, burgers, pasta and aerated drinks, the study done by Assocham Development Foundation said. The study was done on 2,000 students in 25 schools in different cities, including the metropolis Delhi, Mumbai, Pune, Kolkata, Chennai, Hyderabad and Chandigarh. "One in five kids in the metropolitan cities is overweight and they are more likely than normal weight children to grow up to be obese adults and suffer from obesity-related conditions including diabetes, cardiovascular disease and fatty liver disease," Assocham said in a statement quoting its Health Committee Chairman B K Rao. Rao, who is also chairman of the Critical Care Medicine Department in Sir Ganga Ram Hospital said: "A healthy diet plays a preventive role in relation to nutrition-related conditions such as overweight, obesity and dental disease and osteoporosis, cardiovascular disease and diabetes mellitus, later in life." The chamber said that the canteens in schools have a role to play. "With child obesity levels rising and physical activity declining, it is important that canteens provide healthy and nutritious food," it said. These comments also reflect concerns in a public interest litigation filed recently seeking ban on sale of junk food in Delhi school canteens. Working parents tend to spend more of their food budget eating out and on fast foods. They may also have less regular family meals, the chamber said. Over 67 percent of children mostly eat crisps or sweets between meals and 75 percent mostly drink sweeten drinks, while a total of 81 percent watch television or use the computer for at least two hours a day. Changes in the children's physical activity, time spent unsupervised or watching television, the survey said. The study found that children of working mothers have more freedom to eat unhealthy fast food and watch television for hours and have less time to prepare more nutritious. It also observed that pressure of job leave women short of time to prepare healthy family meals, so their children will have TV dinners more often. Mother who work part-time or are able to work more flexible schedules have children that are more likely to have healthy diet and exercise behaviours. About 60 percent parents liked their children to carry home-cooked food to school on all six days, though 51 percent of them also give Rs 20-40 to their children to buy canteen food. Also, around 46 percent children spend Rs 50 every day at canteens with burgers and noodles selling the most 45 percent and 40 percent, respectively. (Agencies) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Divorced women in dire straits: Survey Posted on: 20 Dec 2010, 08:16 PM ShareThis « New Delhi, Dec 20 (Agencies): Approximately 80 percent of divorced or separated women in India live below the poverty line, with a monthly income of less than Rs.4,000, a survey said. Conducted between October 2008 and September 2009, the survey to determine the economic rights and entitlements of divorced and separated women involved interviewing 405 women across the country. Most of them belonged to middle class and lower middle class backgrounds. Divorces and separations are increasing in India. Yet not much attention is being given to the way separated and divorced women live, often with their children, and what their rights and entitlements are," Advocate Kirti Singh, who headed the survey, said Monday at a conference to share the findings. The survey found that in most parts of India the majority of separated or divorced women belonged to the 23-32 age group. "Seventy-five percent of these women live in their natal homes because they have no economic support, and they are not always welcome there. Eighty percent of them have their children staying with them," Singh said. The survey said that only 1.7 percent of the respondents were earning a "handsome" amount of Rs.35,000 per month. The majority, approximately 80 percent, earn less than Rs.4,000 per month and live below the poverty line. Another significant finding was that almost half the number of women surveyed had not asked for maintenance. The reasons ranged from ignorance to lack of resources for legal action. A shocking 83 percent of those surveyed said they opted out of the marriage because of cruelty or domestic violence in their marital homes. Tags: Divorced, women, dire, straits, Survey ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Home Nation World States Business Sports Entertainment Lifestyle Special India Vs West Indies Women Home » Lifestyle News » Jobless men, not women more prone to divorce Search Go Jobless men, not women more prone to divorce Posted on: 22 Jun 2011, 08:17 PM ShareThis « Previous Next » Unemployment may doom divorce for men Unemployment may doom divorce for men Washington: It's quite painful even to think about the possibility of losing your job. But for men, the pang of unemployment can be more severe as their wives are most likely to divorce them, a new study has found. However, in the case of a woman, whether she has a job or not has no effect on the likelihood that her husband would decide to leave the marriage, the Ohio State University study found. The study also found that despite more women entering the workplace, the pressure on husbands to be breadwinners largely remains, a Science website reported. In addition to upping the chances their wives would leave them, unemployed men themselves were more likely to initiate divorce - even if they reported being happy in their marriage - than guys with jobs. Unlike unemployed men, unemployed women were less likely to initiate divorce than their employed counterparts, the researchers said. Employed women were more likely to initiate a divorce than women with jobs, but only when they were highly unsatisfied with the marriage. "These effects probably emanate from the greater change in women's than men's roles," the researchers wrote in an upcoming issue of the American Journal of Sociology. "Women's employment has increased and is accepted, men's non-employment is unacceptable to many, and there is a cultural ambivalence and lack of institutional support for men taking on 'feminised' roles such as household work and emotional support." A woman's unemployment status or decision to enter the work force is not a violation of any marriage norms. Instead, the researchers found that employment provides women with financial security, which enables them to leave a marriage when they become highly unsatisfied with their husbands. The study, which was led by Liana Sayer of Ohio State University, was based on data from more than 3,600 couples that had been collected from three waves of the US National Survey of Families and Households. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Working moms happier than stay-at-home moms Posted on: 13 Dec 2011, 12:49 PM ShareThis « Previous Next » Working moms happier then stay-at-homes Working moms happier then stay-at-homes Washington: Moms who hold jobs are healthier and happier than those who stay at home during their children's infancy and pre-school years. Researchers analysed the National Institute for Child Health and Human Development Study, beginning in 1991 and involving interviews with 1,364 mothers shortly after childbirth, including subsequent interviews and observations for a decade. "In many cases, the well-being of moms working part time was no different from moms working full time," said Cheryl Buehler, professor of human development and family studies, University of North Carolina, Greensboro, who led the study. For example, mothers employed part time reported better overall health and fewer symptoms of depression than stay-at-home moms, The Journal of Family Psychology reports. There were also no reported differences in general health or depressive symptoms between moms employed part time and those who worked full time, the study said. The analysis found that mothers employed part time were just as involved in their child's school as stay-at-home moms, and more involved than moms who worked full time, according to a California statement. Part time mothers appeared more sensitive with their pre-school children and they provided more learning opportunities for toddlers than stay-at-home moms and moms working full time. Particularly in tough economic times, employers looking for cost savings hire part-time employees because they typically do not receive the same level of benefits, such as health insurance, training and career advancement, the authors pointed out. "Since part-time work seems to contribute to the strength and well-being of families, it would be beneficial to employers if they provide fringe benefits, at least proportionally, to part-time employees...," said study co-author Marion O'Brien, professor and Buehler's counterpart. (Agencies) Tags: Working moms are happier than stay at home moms, Working moms are much happier, Working is better for mother’s health, Study done on working moms health ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dont think , Be happy

Don't Overthink Life! Think Less and Get Happy Babies have the charisma to melt anybody’s heart instantly; no one escapes the twinkling eyes or the innocent smile. Just their presence will cheer you up, make you forget your worries and tempt you to indulge into their world. What is it about the young ones that we so fondly adore: their innocence or their ignorance; their cheerful nature or their worry-less attitude? Though I don’t have answers to the above questions, I wonder as to what makes their aura so desirable. Every adult misses their younger days, the thought, “I wish I was a kid again,” resonates with most of us. This is probably the only aspect of life where egoistic adults can leave their success, money, freedom and independence behind for just another chance. Things they might be hesitant to leave even for their loved ones are simply a no-brainer here. When you ask people if they would do it all over again, most respond with an immediate “Yes”. Physically going back in time is not an option yet, but is there anything we can learn from the young ones? Here are some of my ideas. What would you add? Make Work Play The only way you can catch a child’s attention is when you make things seem like play. From learning to count to getting potty trained, everything must feel like fun if you want any success. So what about ourselves? Is your work something you look forward to? If not, is there anything you can do to make it enjoyable? I personally believe that if potty training can seem like a fun activity, anything can; it’s just a matter of perception. Forgive and Forget Babies can laugh and giggle all day because they don’t keep grudges against anyone. Their heart is pure and their mind empty to laugh out loud and enjoy the moment. Do you think they’ve constructed an evil plan against you because you refused them candy last time? Probably not, life moved on and so did they. So why do we hold on to our past and refuse to let go of the emotional baggage? Does it do us any good except prevent us from laughing wholeheartedly? Depending on how you made the kid feel, there is a minute possibility that they may be hesitant to give you a hug the next time they see you. But they are more than willing to give you another chance to make things right. Don’t think candy is good for their health? That’s ok; they are willing to negotiate, are you? Never-ending Curiosity Endless questions of young kids can sometimes be enough to drain the adult mind. They are always busy wondering how things work or why things are the way they are, leaving no room for boredom. Their curiosity gives them an exponential learning curve; they pick up new things quickly and are not repulsive to change. So why does life get boring as we grow older? We all can identify times in our past where time was scarce and desires limitless, fear was unknown and rules were redefined. Then what happened? Are we so engrossed in our daily lives that we miss to see the opportunities the world still has to offer? Unconditional Love Kids have a hug and a kiss for anyone and everyone who wants one. They don’t judge you before they come running into your knees and they don’t walk away if you don’t give them the same in return. They have no expectations from you and simply do what their heart desires. You want a hug, they’ll give you a hug, you want two, and they’ll give you two. So how did the adult world become so materialistic that we decide what we give based on what we think we might receive? Smile Have you ever seen kids smile as they stare at thin air, and wonder what made them giggle? I have, and I’ve concluded that either they can see things that we cannot or they simply don’t need a reason to smile. If there is only one thing I could learn from them, it would be to smile more. Not only does it make you feel good, it makes people wonder what you are smiling about. They’ll come to one of two conclusions: you’re in love or you’re crazy, either ways it will make them smile. Being happy and living life to the fullest is not a difficult task; you just need to have the right attitude and an open mind. Don’t envy the serene life of a baby, start living it yourself! [Vibha Dhawan] Written on 2/18/2011 by Vibha Dhawan. Vibha enjoys writing about life, from questioning the bases of our existence to wondering why we feel the way we do. She's fascinated by little things in life. It doesn't take much to make her smile. Visit her at Curious Lounge. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't worry, be happy! Comments (0) Add to My Stories Beat worrying for good Do you worry so much that you're worried about how much you worry? It's perfectly natural to have some stress in your life. However, if your anxiety becomes chronic you could be causing yourself unnecessary suffering. Fortunately, it is a habit which can be broken. To discover if anxiety is taking over your life, take our simple test. Then learn how to stop. How anxious are you? Read through these statements and rate how closely each one resembles you. Use a scale from one to nine, where one is 'not at all' and nine is 'very much'. Then, add up your scores and check the results. 1. Worrying makes me restless. 2. I get tense and uptight when I am anxious. 3. My heart races when I worry. 4. Worrying causes a tightness in my chest. 5. I react strongly to things. 6. I react first and think second. 7. Anxiety comes from nowhere. 8. I often overreact. 9. I fret about what I should do. 10. I fret about what others think. 11. I feel guilty about things. 12. I worry about being alone. 13. I imagine the worst that could happen. 14. Many of my worries begin with 'What if?' 15. I worry that something terrible will happen. 16. I notice negatives in situations. 17. My thoughts race from one concern to another. 18. Sometimes the kind of thing I worry about scares me. 19. When I am anxious I have a onetrack mind. 20. I'm afraid not to worry. 21. I worry when things are not done the way they should be. 22. I'm a perfectionist. 23. I worry about small flaws and errors. 24. I'm stressed about not doing well enough. 25. I worry about being calm and in control. 26. I worry about going crazy. 27. People think of me as a strong person. 28. I cannot control my worrying. 29. I am on guard all the time. 30. I pay attention to anything irregular. 31. I'm very watchful, even when resting or playing. 32. I like things to be predictable. 33. Anxiety keeps me awake at night. 34. Worrying interferes with my life. 35. I avoid things that I am anxious about. 36. I worry myself sick. If you scored 36-126: Relax, you keep your concerns under sensible control. However, notice any high scores and check them with our worry traits later. If you scored 127-234: You worry moderately but have the potential to become a chronic worrier. Take steps to contain your anxiety before it takes over your life. If you scored 235-324: You are hooked on worrying and it is detracting from the quality of your life. You can take control of it if you take firm steps right away. Find your 'worry place' A 'worry place' is a special place where you do nothing else but worry, which helps contain and control your fears, says Dr Potter. One woman picked the fire escape at work. When she felt the urge to fret, she would go there, she says. You can curb stress further by limiting the time you spend at your 'worry place' to, say, the last five minutes before lunch. Your 'worry place' should be accessible, slightly uncomfortable and boring - so that getting back to your life becomes more attractive. By worrying on schedule, you learn to control it. Keep a list of your anxieties and fret about them only in your 'worry place'. Do something pleasant afterwards. What's your problem? Notice where you scored nine, eight and seven in the test. Check below to find your predominant traits - you may have several - then try the tips that follow. If you scored high in questions: One to four, your problem is physical. Learn breathing, stretching and relaxation techniques, try exercise and cut down on caffeine. Five to eight, you are emotional and overreact. Gain perspective by thinking, 'How important will this be in a year's time?' Nine to 12, your focus is social anxiety. Make a list of everything that makes you feel good for a more positive focus. Thirteen to 16, your problem is catastrophic thinking. Challenge it by focusing on the facts. What are the logical possibilities? Then use your imagination to think about a happy ending for a change. Seventeen to 20, you are an obsessive thinker. Try distraction - concentrate on a simple mental task such as memorising a poem. Or phone a friend - conversations can dispel worry. Twenty one to 24, you are prone to being too judgmental. Drop the words 'should', 'must' and 'ought' from your vocabulary, and use 'like' or 'prefer' instead. Twenty five to 28, your problem is controlling behaviour. Give yourself permission to be less than perfect, and don't be so self-critical. Twenty nine to 32, your trait is hypervigilance. Allow small changes in your life, shift everyday routines, such as walk a different route or try a new cafe, and learn simple breathing and meditation techniques. Thirty three to 36, worry is causing dysfunctional behaviour. Learn self-relaxation to help you sleep. Note your worries and use techniques from the other traits to help you gain perspective. If anxiety is getting out of control, seek help from your GP or a counsellor. Extracted by Jane Alexander from The Worrywart's Companion by Dr Beverly Potter (Wildcat Canyon Press, £10.99). Mail order on 0800 018 5450. Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-200789/Dont-worry-happy.html#ixzz1grqKYkV3 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- People who make snap decisions are happier: Study Posted on: 17 Dec 2011, 04:08 PM ShareThis « Previous Next » People making snap decisions are happier People making snap decisions are happier London: Don't be too fussy over making a decision, for a new study says people who make snap decisions are happier than those who agonise over life's big choices. Researchers have found that thinking too much to get decisions spot on can become a vicious circle leading to obsessiveness and unhappiness. But instinctive, unfussy decision-making leads to a worry-free and healthier life. For their study, the researchers divided people into "maximisers" who obsess about everything and curiously named "satisficers" who breeze through life. Maximisers never really know if they get the big decisions about jobs and choice of partners right because theyn dwell on decisions long afterwards. On other hand, satisficers have the happy knack of instinctively being content with whatever choices they have made. The researchers claim that the indecisiveness of maximisers means they can never enjoy the "psychological benefits" of commitment and cause themselves grief, the 'Daily Express' reported. Their indecision can drive away partners, cost them a potentially lucrative career and even damage their health. Maximisers even get nervous at the sight of a final reductions signs during Christmas sales because it makes them feel pressured and forced into commitment. Lead author Professor Joyce Ehrlinger said: "Maximisers miss out on the psychological benefits of commitment, leaving them less satisfied than their more contented counterparts, the satisficers. "It's not just coffee-maker purchases that Maximisers stress over -- it's also the big life decisions such as choosing a mate, buying a house or applying for a job. Maximisers get nervous when they see a 'final reduction' sign because it forces them to commit." (Agencies) Tags: how to be happy, how to become happy, decisions and happiness, latest study