Most teachers (23.7%) blamed student suicides on depression, (14.5%) stress, (20%)_parental pressure, fear of exams lowest on the list.
Have teachers counselled depressed students- No- 32.87% Yes- 9.63 % Empty- 23.73%
Signs that can alert teachers to suicidal tendencies-
Lonely /aloof- 27.3%
Quiet- 21.95%
Behavioural changes- 19.7%
Anger-4%
Expert opinion- Students llok up to teACHERS MORE THAN PARENTS
cOMMON CAUSES OF SUICIDE IN CHILDREN
DEPRESSION 23.7%
STRESS- 14.9%
PARENTAL PRESSURE- 18.7%
PARENTAL EXPECTATIONS- 12.2%
FEAR OF FAILURE- 4.67%
tO PREVENT SUICIDES TEACHERS SHOULD
CONSULT COUNSELLOR- 25.9%
TALK TO STUDENT- 21.25%
TALK TO9 PARENTS- 20.06%
INSPIRE THEM- 6.26%
PUSH YOUR KIDS; BUT NOT OVER THE EDGE
In The 10 Laws of Learning, American educationist Steven Rudolph furnishes a guide for good parenting
The film 3 Idiots has certainly caused quite a stir. There’s been the Chetan Bhagat war of course, but the controversy I hope that has lasting impact is the debate over our educational system and the way we raise our children. Are we burdening our kids with our obsessive expectations for high exam scores?... The stats, I am afraid, say yes. 16 students a day, kill themselves due to exam stress in the country. India accounts for 10% of all teenage suicides, and South India has even earned the unfortunate reputation of being the ‘suicide capital of the world’....
The problems occur in my experience because parents are confused about how to motivate and guide their kids in the best way…. Here’s how you can push your kids without pushing them over the edge.
HAVE HIGH, BUT REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS
You must accept firstly that each child is unique…. The key then is to determine the strength of the child’s abilities, and to set your expectations accordingly. For instance, if your daughter demonstrates a high calibre in maths by scoring consistently above 90% on her exams, but suddenly begins to slide down to 70% because she is spending more time with her friends or using the internet, it would be reasonable to encourage her to set her targets in the 90% zone. On the other hand, if your son has consistently performed poorly in maths and has an average of 45%, expecting him to get above 90% would be unfeasible. However, encouraging him to set a target 55% would be very realistic.
BE FAIR, FIRM, CONSISTENT
Be sure to establish ground rules regarding your children’s homework and daily routine. …Punishments need to also fit the crime. For instance, beating your child or denying him complete access to TV or the internet or friends for weeks because of a minor infraction like failing to submit a homework assignment on time could prove to be a serious demotivator.
You must also be firm in your decisions and not be afraid to say no when the situation warrants it. Children may attempt to avoid responsibilities by using tactics such as yelling, crying or pleading for sympathy. They will certainly test you… But if you are consistent, they will realize you mean business, and after a few days or weeks will respect your strictness.
DON’T PUSH, FACILITATE
In the process of helping children achieve their potential, parents sometimes become lost in the role of being disciplinarians. The loving, intimate discussions they used to have with their dear little ones suddenly begin to sound more like orders being barked out to military cadets: ‘Stop eating so much junk food.’ ‘Get back in there and finish your homework.’ ‘You had better start bringing home better scores,’ and so on….
My suggestion here is to do less pushing and more facilitating. Engage in meaningful conversations with your kids to find out what they are up to…. By engaging with your kids in this way, you establish a rapport with them, opening channels of communication that will make them more receptive to your suggestions and feedback.
PUT FAILURE IN PERSPECTIVE
All children face failure from time to time — getting a shockingly low score on a test, freezing up while giving a speech, dropping a ball and costing their team the game. And when they do, their feelings of embarrassment and humiliation can eat directly into their sense of self-esteem.
It’s at times like these that your children need your support the most. They need to know that know your love is not dependent on their success. At the same time, they do need to realize that your approval is dependent on their effort.
MAKE YOUR KIDS PLAY
All work and no play does indeed make Jack a dull boy. Play is an excellent stress buster that enables the brain to recharge itself and remain at its optimal efficiency. Whether kids play cricket or an instrument, dance or paint, time spent in recreational activities has tremendous physical, mental, and social benefits.
Case in point: A mother from New Delhi came to me with her daughter who she claimed was intelligent, but unusually sluggish and not scoring particularly well on her exams. After asking her a few questions, I discovered that after the girl got home from school daily, she would go to three separate tuitions. She would then eat dinner and study late into the night. ‘Don’t you ever play?’ I asked. ‘Not really,’ she replied, ‘who’s got time?’ I eventually convinced the mother that her daughter was simply studying too much and that her brain was not getting a chance to rest enough. Because she was fond of painting and badminton, I had her cut down on two hours of her tuition and study time. As a result, her energy levels rose significantly-and so did her marks.
IDENTIFY AND CELEBRATE THEIR UNIQUENESS
I want to finish off with the same point I made at the start. Never forget that all children possess unique attributes that make them special. Take time to find out what these are, and help them find a niche in school where they can excel rather than expect them to become toppers in all subjects. Celebrate their successes and help them play to their strengths, as this will empower their self-esteem and fuel their motivation….
This same logic applies to the process of career selection. With the burgeoning economy and range of available good-paying jobs in non-traditional sectors, there are few reasons why you should force your kids to become engineers, doctors, or lawyers, when they would be better suited as animators, airhostesses or ethical hackers. The obvious example of this is Farhan in 3 Idiots who discovered that he made a better photographer than an engineer. This is not to say that you need to support your kids’ dreams if they are genuinely whimsical. However, you will significantly increase their chances of finding career success if you guide them to professions that match with their abilities and innate tendencies.
Steven Rudolph is an American educationist, researcher, TV personality and public speaker based in India. His book, The 10 Laws of Learning was published by Random house India in 2009.
