By Lauren Weber
No matter how well-adjusted you are, rejection stinks. Whether it comes in the form of a hiring manager who chooses another candidate or a rebuff from a lover, rejections unplug all the feelings of self-doubt and failure that most of us manage to bottle up under normal circumstances. Even the simple fear of a brush-off is sometimes enough to keep us from shooting for things we desperately want. Several years ago, I hit on a strategy that has drained some of the sting from these moments. I call it pre-emptive rejection, and here’s how it works: I reject myself very politely before I get the final word from the person who seemingly holds my fate in his or her hands.
The first time I tried this was in 2006, when I applied for the Knight-Bagehot Fellowship at Columbia University. I’d had a great interview with the director of the program but she called me a few days later with some follow-up questions, and the content of her questions indicated to me that she had reservations about my application. I dreaded receiving the turndown letter that I felt certain was already in the mail. So I decided to beat the director to it. In a letter dated April 18, 2006, I wrote to myself, “I regret to inform you that you have not been selected as a Knight-Bagehot Fellow this year. Please know that your application received a careful review by our distinguished panel of judges.”
It went on: “This year was extremely competitive. We received 138 applications for a total of 10 Fellowships. While we would like to be able to offer spots to more applicants, our resources currently limit us to 10.” The letter ended graciously, on a note of hope: “We encourage unsuccessful applicants to try again in the future. Many of our Fellows are accepted on their second or third or even fourth attempts.”
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